Sex and the Sixties (And Older)

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Sex in the Sixties. The phrase "sex in the sixties" used to mean free loving hippies at Woodstock. Now that phrase more readily applies to the joys and challenges of intimacy and aging of those in their 60's. Just because the needs and concerns change during this fall season of our lives doesn't mean you can't experience better than ever sexual connections.

According to a 2007 survey of some 3000 middle-aged and older adults, almost three-fourths of those between 57 and 64 are still having sex and over half of those 65 to 74. These numbers are quite encouraging as research suggests suggests that seniors who remain sexually active enjoy better physical and emotional health.

Our Changing Biology. Our changing biology requires us to respond emotionally, not just physically, and to take plenty of time for physical arousal. We now have to take our time. Those who used to come all night long may take all night to come. The pleasure is now emotionally ignited. Levels of estrogen and testosterone can influence sexuality and taking other factors into account can help you identify new sexual issues that you can address, rather than ignoring them or chalking them up to aging and resigning just to live with them. For instance, decreased libido and sexual dysfunction may be side effects of pharmaceuticals. Drugs that lower blood pressure can reduce desire, cause vaginal dryness, and make it difficult to achieve and maintain an erection. Antihistamines, antidepressants, acid-blocking drugs, and medications for treating diabetes and lowering cholesterol levels are also known for impeding sex. It's important to speak with your physician about possible side and available alternatives.

Some may find that their doctors' bedside manner is lacking when attempting to discuss sexual concerns. Be aware that general practitioners receive only a limited training in human sexuality. However, most doctors are able to recommend a good resource such as a book or a sex therapist. Some clinicians may be able to suggest herbal supplements to boost libido and advise you about possible interactions with your medications.

Medical Obstacles. Chronic pain, prostate enlargement, obesity and body image concerns can also pose obstacles to sexual interaction. New research suggests incontinence and other disorders of the female pelvic organs might diminish libido, cause pain during intercourse, or make it difficult to reach orgasm. These are significant findings, as approximately one third of US women suffer from at least one type of pelvic disorder. Many people faced with these issues may turn off altogether,out of embarrassment, instead of saying, "Please touch me so my body can enjoy it."

By understanding your limitations, you can reframe the old picture of your approach to sex and create a new picture that is current and up to date. It's no longer about what and how things worked in your 30's and 40's, it's about what works for you and your body now. By setting old expectations aside, and being able to laugh at our bodies and it's new limitations, we can renew intimate connections. This allows us to continue learning about ourselves and our partners, and derive the most pleasure from our sexual experiences. This could mean trying new things and communicating needs that might feel a bit awkward at first to discuss. But if you keep your sense of humor and make it fun you can make these changes mutually beneficial. This is what I call "Adult Sexual Play."

Setting Aside Time. Studies show that following a healthy diet, staying physically active, and limiting alcohol consumption can go a long way toward improving your sex life. In addition, be sure to set aside time for intimacy. Pencil in a day a week, at least, to foster intimacy. Anything you do that day that makes you feel closer to your partner can be considered "foreplay". A romantic dinner may make you sleepy and ready to go to bed so have an early romantic dinner. Also, try activities that foster a physical connection, like dancing, bocce ball, tennis, golf, hiking, and skiing. Spend time simply kissing, cuddling, and caressing while watching romantic movies or comedies. Savor these sensual moments-- it's all intimacy. if you end up having intercourse, it's simply icing on the cake. At this stage, you are teenagers again and sexual moments lasting less than an hour, including foreplay is considered a "quickie". What better or more enjoyable thing can you and your partner do at this time in your lives to feel closer and more connected?