| Approaching Women: Indirect Vs Direct Openers |
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The controversy has raged among dating experts for ages untold... How do you approach a woman? Go direct and tell her you're interested? Or go indirect and play a game of cat-and-mouse? Read on to see how I weigh in on the subject.
The controversy has raged among dating experts for ages untold... How do you approach a woman? Go direct and tell her you\'re interested? Or go indirect and play a game of cat-and-mouse? Read on to see how I weigh in on the subject. ben wa balls | condoms | rabbit vibrators | strapons For those of my readers who are unaware, an "opener" is a conversation starter. In this case, it is used to engage a woman in conversation. An indirect opener is meant to display a lack of interest in her, while a direct opener puts any interest right out in the open. This seems to be a controversy blown way out of proportion. Every behavior has a use in a specific context, and both direct and indirect are points along a continuum. What's ultimately important is to start a conversation in which you and a woman can decide if you're well enough matched to begin a relationship. To make things simpler, though, let's look at the advantages and disadvantages of each, starting with indirect openers. Advantages of Indirect Openers These are fairly "low risk" conversation starters. The chances a woman will rudely brush you off at this point are fairly low unless you really flub it. An example of an indirect opener is an opinion opener (made especially famous by Neil Strauss' The Game) in which you simply solicit an opinion on an interesting subject. By asking an interesting question, you're likely to start a conversation fairly easily. Indirect openers also play against the fact that most women are frequently approached by men showing way too much interest. They will shoot down these men quickly and efficiently. Acting as if you aren't interested will make a woman feel at ease enough for you demonstrate that you are actually a good guy and worth the attention. An indirect opener is definitely the easiest way to meet a woman in a group. Disadvantages of Indirect Openers The biggest disadvantage of indirect openers is that they waste a lot of time. It has a slower building of emotional connection, mostly because you need to maintain the charade of not being interested. There is also an element of dishonesty, which is likely to come across loud and clear. Women's intuition and all that. Indirect openers are also very... indirect. You can spend your whole evening engaged in a really wonderful conversation only to find out she's happily married. As wonderful as it may have been for both of you, it's not likely to blossom into the romance/sexcapade you were hoping for. In short, indirect openers can - and often are - very time consuming. Advantages of Direct Openers Direct openers are fast, to the point and simple. There's no script to memorize, no chance of coming across as ingenuous because you are honestly expressing interest in meeting a woman. This also results in no wasted time. If she turns you down there (whether gently or harshly) then now you know and you won't start building a relationship that can't possibly go anywhere. Direct openers (when done with some skill) convey massive confidence. It takes great big brass ones to walk up to a total stranger and say: "I'm interested in you. Tell me more." This will trigger attraction right away in many women. Disadvantages of Direct Openers Direct openers are high risk. The chances of being rejected are much higher. This isn't necessarily a bad thing (as I've mentioned with time), but it can be a painful process. Sensitive guys have a lot of difficulty pulling these off because they're afraid of the rejection. And while there is little dialogue to learn (unlike indirect openers which are often scripted), all the subtleties that go into direct openers can make them hard to pull off. Body language, voice tone, and all the sub-communications need to be exactly right. Without telegraphing appropriate confidence, rejection is almost assured. Direct openers are very difficult to pull of in a group. It makes the woman's friends instantly circle the wagons and protect the target of your advances. So there you have it. The basic message is this: both indirect and direct approaches WORK... But neither is guaranteed. So why not add both to your bag of tricks? Only experience, practice and a little good judgment will tell you when to use one versus the other. In the meantime, you can have some fun meeting some really wonderful people. |